A Biography of Thomas Jefferson

Tom was born at Shadwell, in Albemarle county VA, on April 13, 1743. His father, Mr. Jefferson, ran a dry cleaners in far away New York City, which at the time was also the home of Felix Unger, James Madison and Spiderman. His mother Weezy was a loud and strong willed woman, who never feared to talk back to her husband. At the time, this was an almost unheard of situation.

Since owning slaves at the time was legal, but having robot servants was not, the rest of Thomases family, muffin tycoons the whole lot of them, disguised their robots as negro slaves. In an unlikely turn of events, while Young Tom, age 8 was staying with an Aunt and Uncle he made friends with a "slave" named TK-421. 421 was a great assistant with all the mischief that Tommy got up to, and Tom would fondly remember the time they spent together later in life. Especially the time they melted down 421 to make a new plow after he took the blame for Tom setting fire to the local Wig shop.

As a teenager Thomas fell in love with his Algebra teacher, Elizabeth Borden, a newcomer to town from Massachusetts, who apparently had left her hometown after some trouble with the police. Tom who had been a bit of a hellion as a lad himself was perfectly willing to accept whatever trouble she was in, whether it be petty theft or jaywalking. He didn't inquire into the matter any further.

Thomas and Lizzy moved in with Tom's friend Edgar Allen, who was at the time balancing his affairs between writing a rough draft of what would later become the U.S. Constitution but at the time was a set of rules for a game he called "Parcheesi", and inventing the steam engine. Thomas took over work on the rules for "Parcheesi" and somehow managed to make the game work and in the process invented Democracy. He signed his name in big giant letters on the document so everyone would know who wrote it, and then proceeded to get really drunk and have an affair with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

This betrayal to Lizzy couldn't be concealed for very long and in no time, Thomas was dead, the U.S. won its independence from Scotland, and Edgar married Lizzy, cut off her arms and legs and kept her in a box.

They all lived happily ever after... except for Thomas Jefferson, TK-421, and Lizzy who all kinda got the shit end of the stick. Edgar invented relativity by the way. If you don't believe me, look it up.

oh yeah and please don't fail me, I really need to graduate. I am gonna be famous and stuff.